Sweet Surrender

The fabric of our lives, woven together by thin strands of irreplaceable chords.....relationships,moments,thoughts,memories,wishes. In this grand tapestry where the story of our lives is told, I am honored to hold a piece of the cloth so dear to my heart. My daughter, Bella. Today is Bella's ninth birthday. She's made it through a very rough seven year transition. She is figuring out her way among her social circle. Admitting to us that our lives are so very different than those she encounters on a daily basis that it is a struggle sometimes to remain authentic. What an amazing journey to be on, not only our own separate journey but then along the one that our children take. It is a journey. All of a sudden it began the moment you knew that a life was growing inside your womb and then *POW* there is this little creature, all new and small. Who knew that being a mother would cultivate the most unpredictable garden.



Bella is our second child. She is twenty-one months younger than her older brother and six years older than her younger sister and seven and a half years older than the baby. She is an amazing sister. She is loyal, loving, compassionate, concerned, protective, honest, and simply perfect. Her gentle smile and ice blue eyes will pierce even the hardest stone. She can melt a heart from miles away. Our little angel. She is a healer, a fairy, an imp at times. She is simply divine.

Our Bella doesn't ask for much but this year she did request Mama's cinnamon buns. I'm always looking for a reason to perfect my recipe, and her birthday is the perfect day to try them out......again. How could I not indulge my darling on her birthday?



To make the dough you dissolve on packet of dry active yeast to 1/2 cup of warm water. Add a little honey so the yeast has something to nibble on. Next mix together 1/2 cup of hot milk, 1/4 cup of sweetener, 2/3 cup of butter, 1 tsp. salt, and one egg. Mix this together until it turns into a syrupy, golden bowl of goodness. Add 1 1/2 - 2 cups of flour. Mix this in with until it's a sticky, gooey mess. Then, add the yeast mixture. Stir this together and add another 1 1/2 - 2 cups of flour. Add it in slowly and stir. When the dough begins to pull away from the side of the bowl begin to knead it, in the bowl, and add more flour as you need to keep it from getting sticky. Do this for about 5 minutes. Cover with a damp cloth and let it rise until it has doubled in size. About 1 hour or so.



When the dough has risen completely roll it out on a lightly floured surface. Aim for a length of 15-18 inches and a width of 9-12. The shorter the dough the less and fatter the buns!!! To make the filling, that gorgeous, cinnamony, crunchy concoction that makes you close your eyes and think "YUM" is very simple, indeed. Mix together about 1 1/2 cups of brown sugar, 2 1/2 tsp. of cinnamon, and chopped pecans. That. Is. It. Melt a stick of butter and brush it onto the rolled out dough. Sprinkle your filling all over, being careful not to over fill the edges. To roll the dough, start from the side furthest from you. Roll the dough toward you, making sure to keep the rolls as tight as possible. Using a serrated knife, slice the ends off and then slice your rolls. You can choose how thick you like, I tend to cut mine 3/4 - 1 inch in width. Leaving me with 14 or so buns. If you've used all of your filling go ahead and make a little more to cover the tops of the cinnamon buns with. Bake them for 30-45 minutes at a 350 degree oven.



It's true that only the simple things make life grand. Knowing that these little gems covered with a sea of cinnamon goodness brings joy to the heart of my Bella makes it that much more joyful for me to grant this wish of pure sweetness. Happy Birthday, my darling.

In the bleak mid-winter

The frozen tundra. That is where I am currently living. Every square inch of existence is under snow and ice and the temperature is below zero. It. Is. Cold. This mere fact provides one of the greatest opportunities.......to bake. There is nothing more warming and satisfying then to bake with children and then to eat your creation. Today, we baked bread. Banana bread, in fact, with nuts and lots and lots of bananas.



Charlotte was my helper. She usually is, as it is a most difficult feat to keep her out of the kitchen. So, in an effort to keep things peaceful, she helps......and I love it. I couldn't ask for a better helper. She loves to have her hands in anything. Having my kids in the kitchen is the single most important experience I feel I can create with them. It provides one on one time, a mathematical lesson, patience, and simply joys. There is nothing more joyful than watching the faces on my children when something that they helped bake comes out of the oven, the anticipation that follows in waiting for it to cool and then.......the sweet redemption of pure bliss while eating their treat. Picture perfect.



Charlotte and I also had the luxury to be able to keep an almost constant eye on our bird feeder. The chickadees were the regular diners this afternoon along with a few sparrows and a blue jay or two......or three. Their need to fill their bellies amidst this frozen land is feverish. It is cold here, and getting colder, so, their one and only concern.......food. Fill up, hunker down, stay fat and happy. Well, we're happy to oblige. I wish we could just invite them all in! They could dine on a regular feast of banana bread crumbs, popcorn, and peanut butter.



The banana bread came out. It's amazing how within moments of its ascension from the oven, one loaf is instantaneously consumed. Mere minutes have passed, and already we're down to one loaf. It warms my heart to know that butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla, banana, flour, baking soda, salt and walnuts, when mixed together and baked, creates a heaven on earth experience......even for the non-banana lovers in our house.



In this bleak mid-winter, as the love of my life, our youngest daughter, and I share an impromptu dance to John Hiatt's Learning to Love You, I am reminded of the true sentiment of the title. Learning to love in the coldest of times is essential. Every one's getting a little cranky, all cooped up. Moods shift with each snow/ice fall. We're all sharing a lot of time indoors together, without so much as a five minute respite. It's not easy.......that being said, learning to love all that we have and not wishing for anything more is key. Each other, for example. I couldn't wish for anything more than family, by birth or chosen. Food, home, hearth, heart. These things will always lead to successful living. It's a beautiful journey, living together. The ups and downs. The side way turns and frontward and backward jolts. All is well. I'm so honored to be able to share it with you.

Fueling the creative fire

Well, months really do pass by, don't they? Chugging along at a speed faster than my own eye can see. In one single blink another month whizzes passed me. Holy moly! I am looking forward to a s........l........o..........w down!!
I've chosen to revisit my blog. I've been inspired to submit writings to a favorite Internet spot of mine. With that lovely lady's acceptance of my work and her suggestion that "Do you have a blog? If you don't, you should." really sparked those creative forces that have been feverishly working for years now to COME OUT AND PLAY!!!!! It's exciting, exhilarating, inspiring, blissful. I'm so honored to be looked as creative by someone outside my box of friends, that, I truly must acknowledge that which I have been suppressing. We are all guilty of that. My husband, an extremely talented musician and songwriter, gets in the way of his own dream. I know several other highly talented people that could truly use a kick in the pants (like the one I got) and they would make amazing things happen. I feel like I would be wasting a real gift if I let this one slip by on account of me being lazy, incompetent, or uninspired.



My children inspire me. Food inspires me. My simple life in the wooded hillside we reside in inspires me. I am a fortunate being on this earth. What truly matters is what I make useful and what I give my energy to. Everything else is a drain. My family, our creative life, our gardens (come spring), our hope and desire for a completely fulfilling life, using up every bit of God given energy, creativity, and moxy. These are the things that matter.



My hope, for 2011, is to "know hope". To realize the dreams of my family and self and TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN. There has never been a better time than right this moment. I encourage anyone who might be reading this to "follow your bliss". "Know hope". Stare your dreams right in the face and say "It is time!"

2011 will be a wonderful year. I wish for you, as I wish for my family, a year full of family, abundance, growth, healing, and peace.

The Ebb and Flow

Life has many waves. Some gentle and sweet others rough and exhausting. I view the currents of our lives as an ocean. Constantly moving and changing. Bringing forth all the rocks, shells, sand......these things that forever shape the landscape of our lives. Not to mention the lives that come through our waters......lives that shift our paths on a pleasant, floral path or a rocky, all up hill one. The ocean of our lives......complex, beautiful, and innocent.

The current state our our community of nations waters is a mirror image of our lives. If we take a good, hard long look at our current state of existence we might see how mired with toxins we are. Not on purpose, but a culmination of the choices we've made along the way. What we have chosen to affect/effect us, how we react to what gets tossed up on our shores, so to speak. This is a unique time in our lives. We are being faced with not only a catastrophe within our physically oceans but within our own personal oceans. A massive clean up is in order but it has become so large no one has any idea where to begin. It's akin to being told to clean your room as a child, seeing it as this stuffed, dirty, space that is filled to the gills with toys, dirty clothes, dirty dishes, garbage, stinky shoes, and who knows what else!!! Well, our spiritual rooms need an overhaul......if we as a people, living on this planet together, expect to see change.....clean water, clean air, an independence from fossil fuels, we need to clean our rooms first BEFORE we can deem what is necessary in our broader landscape.

I tend to lean towards the spiritual not religious. I have a clear vision of the God of my creation. My God is both male and female. Loving and accepting. All forgiving and possess the ability to create within me a spirit that can be cultivated and used for the better of all beings. My God is beautiful. This relationship I have with my God, when I'm willing to allow this relationship to shine and be at the center of my life, is what moves me to "be the change I wish to see in the world." I can't expect these changes to just land in my lap......nor should we as a people. This life, this ocean we're surfing in, requires work and commitment. If we were to actually be surfing in the ocean we couldn't just stand there and let the waves do all the work! It's an actively, seeking relationship. One that demands respect and unconditionality. Knowing that at any given moment we could be knocked off of our board and sent tumbling through the waters. "Life is like a box of chocolates......you never know what you're gonna get." We should be prepared to swim to shore, receive the broken and battered board and go out again!!!

When you fall down, pick yourself right back up and get going. "The here and now is a very small space; too small to fit in both God and a problem." Have faith.....have peace of heart......don't over think everything.......and most of all......KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN!!! It sounds simple but as we all know it's far from it! Cleaning up decades of mess it not an easy task completed in one single day.....or two, even. The honest, self reflection, the pain of admitting our mis-steps and lazy behavior. The dust bunnies that have been swept under the rug..... have no place there......

The bigger picture is this.......we as a world, each of us individuals, need to step up to bat and whack one home. Strengthen our relationships to our God of choice. Seek out a loving, unconditional, higher power that will create within us the passion and love to do better, be better, love better, accept better, create change for the better. Ride your ebbs and flows sitting side by side with your God. Talk. Laugh. Cry. Know that you are never alone and all that you seek lies within you. It is time! Time to make these changes to dust off ourselves, clean up our world, create our Heaven on Earth.

*******P.S.*******

This is an ongoing study on love, acceptance, responsibility, perseverance, and truth.

Be like the Flower........

......and turn your face to the sun! ~ Kahlil Gibran

A wise one once told me that whatever it is that brings you down is only allowing you to discover the tools to bring you up. Tools.

Merriam Webster's definition of tool: "a handheld device that aids in accomplishing a task"

Well.....I'm not talking about those kinds of tools, per say. I'm thinking about the tools that bring us to another place in life. Tools that feed the Spirit, that Enlighten the mind. Tools that remind us of who we truly are. Flowers can be tools. They bring us joy, peace, they tickle our senses. Flowers have been an important part of this Spring transition.....more so than usual. I'm hoping it's because maybe I'm a little more awake than in the past......or at least aware. Some flowers have been actual tools, implements. We painted with flowers this past weekend. We adorned our Nature Table with beautiful blossoms. We wore flowers in our hair......and yet, somehow it meant so much more. We were all so aware with all five senses.

Be like the flower......

To be like a flower we must stand tall.....or heartily. Face the sun and absorb all her warm embraces. Dig deep with our roots and stand up to the storms. Provide a retreat for passing critters and maybe some nourishment. Give of ourselves without expectation......glow radiant light from our ever colorful petals.......and just BE!


As parents, our children really are like flowers. They are our garden bed that we must tend to everyday.......and still all day. We are the dutiful gardener that will keep our flowers safe from invasive species, make sure they have plenty of sunlight and food and water, talk with them and share time with them. Encourage them. Yet we are also flowers in our own bed......needing to be cultivated, loved, fed, watered.

I am lucky to be able to be home with my little flowers. Where I, too, can be a flower. All of us growing and loving and feeding each other. Soaking up the Sun's warm embrace and growing stronger everyday. Our rhythm in Life is one that we perfect as we go. I'm enjoying sharing our days with you here. A little piece of our history. Proof that when we're knocked down, or we loose a blossom here or there, that Life is good. We continue to explore, love, encourage, and.....well......jusr plain Live.

Tomorrow Charlotte and I will be making caterpillar's on leaves for our Nature Table. I'm hoping the weather will be nice enough to travel out of doors to spy on some real one's living their lives. Crawling......munching.......maybe......on a flower!

A Little Creativity

The dawn has broken through and even though clouds may block the sunlight, I know it's there. I awoke this morning with a very clear vision of my day. Get up. Wash my face. Kiss my husband. Say good morning to my oxalis. Enjoy a cup of coffee and enjoy the flow of the rest of my morning. So far.......a raging success! Not all mornings are as glorious; of course, life takes its own path without any control on our part. All it takes is a little creativity to allow change, a shift, a jostle in the usual "rut", a little creativity and some will-power to accept that it MUST be done. A "rut" is no good to anyone. It makes life seem boring and predictable. Some folks may enjoy that.......not me! I'm a Libra. I need a balance of predictability and spontaneity. It just takes......a little creativity!!! See, you're getting it!

I've decided that our days will become rather structured with a simple rhythm that everyone will come to groove on, chock full of morning, afternoon, and evening rituals. Our life together as a party of six has become rather hectic. So much is going on all at once that everyone feels lost in the shuffle or swept under the rug! So.......I'm looking forward to the expectations of our life, the simple minute gatherings where we will just sit and be. Share a story or share a meal. Hold hands and sing a blessing, the little things that make life grand. The moments that when our children are grown and raising up their own family, they will think back and remember such traditions and put them in to place amongst their own rhythms. Isn't that what traditions are all about?

So.......there's the predictability, now for the spontaneity. The wonderful thing about spontaneity is that it can't be planned. My thought is that for all that will come with a simple rhythm, a little spontaneity will flow. We will actually have the time (external and internal) to allow ourselves to relax and just BE! Be ourselves with no fear of rushing to the next meeting or ball game. The time that will exist will allow us time for a game or walk in the woods.

Being a family just takes a little creativity! Relish in these moments that you share with your loved ones. Take the time to breathe and allow your gratitude for them in your life to shine. Amidst all the sports, school, church, work and other commitments a family will pursue, allow yourself a moment within your day to be thankful for your children, your partner, your pets, friends and family who mean the world to you. It’s these little moments where we can see the meaning and the peace that make our life worthwhile.
I hope that you find the love and gratitude that is yours today!

A Joyful May

Welcome to May. The May Day celebrations abound. The Celtic celebrations that mark the beginning of Summer......ahhhhhh........Summer. Warmth. Sunshine. Blue skies. Flowers. Bees. Fresh Vegetables. A Summer's Breeze. These are a glorious things and bring such joy to the human Spirit. *sigh*

To Welcome our May we had a little morning celebration. We weeded our flower beds. Gathered the dandelions that were plucked from the beds and used them to paint pictures. Then Charlotte, her Daddy and I sat around on a blanket in the yard and soaked up the morning sunshine while making a flower wreath that wouls adorn each of our heads! I think the only one who enjoyed wearing it was our faithful companion, Rosco!!!! We moved Charlotte's summer kitchen outside to the front of the house where it will be available to countless hours of play. Washing dishes, baking cookies, planting!

~ "Ahhhhh, the hours we will play and toil all the little things in the soil."

Thankfully where we live this day will continue to be a beautful day. The Sun will shine, we will wear bare feet all day, watch our eldest son play baseball later in the day and then.......just maybe we will burn our misgivings and other things that are unwanted or not needed in a celebratory bonfire this evening!

" THe moon shines bright and start give light a little before it's day. So God bless you all both great and small and send you a joyful May."