Finding peace in patience

The past 5 days have been rather intense around here. Our wee Seraphina has become quite ill, including a persistent fever that would spike as high as 105.1 and required 2 trips to the Emergency Room, antibiotics, too much Motrin, and hardly a wink of sleep. Her poor little body is fighting so hard and yet she manages to smile and play between the highest points of her fever. I've attributed them to waves, like surfing......when her fever is down we're just kind of paddling along the water, relaxing and enjoying the extra snuggles but when her fever reaches it's climax it's "all hands on deck". She and I have become quite the team, I've learned her unique style of communication that lets me know she needs intervention, that the fever has become too much. We're both working hard to balance fear and worry with acceptance and patience. It's so hard. We're both so tired.

 

 

 

As you can see, not much else has been kept on top of. Between having my sick little babe and the other littles at home full time, homework (which I've barely just glanced over), trying to keep everyone fed, keeping the fire going, not to mention the never ending piles of laundry *sigh* one thing in particular has been far from my mind; holiday preparations. Nary a decoration or Christmas tree have appeared yet in our home. We've got the simple gestures of our Nature Table and Advent Garden (which has become a resting place for our cats) and nothing else. Typically, I'd be quite bewildered by all of this chaos. I so love this time of year and all that goes into creating the holiday mood within our home. Having said that, I'm OK with a delay in this year's preparations. It will happen, eventually. We will get our tree up and decorated. We will continue to add our little handmade additions to our Nature Table and Advent Garden. We will bake to our hearts content.......just not right now.

 

 

 If there's one thing this little Angel has taught me through all of this is that nothing is more important than the gift of time. St. Nicholas had written a letter to each child stating that each one would individually receive quality alone time with each parent each day. As a large family we have noticed how quickly we can become detracted from our ability to carve out enough time with each child. Some nights my husband and I go to bed realizing that we haven't spent alone time with each child in quite some time. I've got a bit of leverage in that department as I'm able to be home during the day so I do get that quality time with the littles, but my big kids is a totally different story. Seraphina has, through her persistent illness, opened my heart to accepting that all that little piddly stuff will always be there and the time I gain by ignoring the pressing call to clean or do laundry or wash dishes can now be spent chatting with my 12 year old, or fawning over make-up and hair accessories with my oldest daughter, or learning a new song with Charlotte, or goofing around with Kiki, or simply snuggling the day away with my little Seri in a nest on the sofa. Those nagging tasks will get done, but not before each child has received the time they most certainly deserve.

 

 

Not everything is lost in this; I have, at the very least, been able to keep up with the addition of a star each day thus far in Advent. It's a beautiful thing to see the ceiling above our Advent Garden fill up with these colorful stars. This has become a favorite quiet spot for Kiki to play. I have to admit, I do feel quite peaceful when I look over and see the soft glow of the lights beneath the cloth, the empty stable as it awaits the arrival of those coming to welcome the Baby Jesus. I have learned that there is peace in patience.......so, I will continue to cultivate patience during this week of healing.

 

Where are you finding your peace these days?



St. Nicholas Day

 

Upon his snow white steed

 With wind and lightning speed

St. Nicholas leaves the sky

And comes a riding by.

 

The little hare hops nigh

And lifts his nose up high.

The stag, with pointing horn,

Jumps over bush and thorn.

 

And all the creatures dear

Are drawing quickly near.

Before St. Nicholas bow

Their little heads so low.

 

But we will learn a tune

Of sun and star and moon,

And sing our happy lay,

Sing on St. Nicholas Day.

 

~ Traditional German poem

 

Wishing all who have been visited by the kindness and generosity of St. Nicholas a beautiful and heart~filled day xo

Sinterklaas & Time

 

There are many stories about St. Nicholas and I have many favorites I could share. A resource we have been using here at our home since the start of Advent is the website St. Nicholas Center. It is full of history, stories, games, crafts. We love it and the littles have been so eager to hear a new story or to look at the pictures again and again. What I truly love is that we are creating a new tradition in our home about the modern "Santa Claus" and what I know to be true in my heart. As a family, we have been pulling further and further away from the hysteria of a "traditional, cultural" Christmas. We've never been much into the whole Santa coming down the chimney thing and the purchasing of too many toys that will just end up gathering dust in the corner, ideal. We try very hard to protect our children from the onslaught of what many believe to be a normal celebration of Christmas. I say normal because I know first hand that the way we choose to celebrate (or not celebrate) is viewed by many in my life as abnormal!!  

 

One of the suggestions on the St. Nicholas Center website I love most is this one . The suggestion is to leave just a note behind, not a present or other trinket, just a note. What this note "gives" is the gift of time. Time to just be and spend with your loved one. The note could read:: "What I give to you is 30 minutes of conversation time with your Mama or Papa every night before bed". You can tailor this note to fit whatever model works best for you. The gift of time is much more valuable than any other gift you could give your child or partner, in my opinion. Celebrating St. Nicholas within the Advent season encourages a bit more magic and enchantment to all of our preparations and waiting for Christmas. We can focus on the good, kind and loving deeds of a true Saint which helps to redirect the gift giving energy to this time and opens up our Christmas celebrations to be wrapped more deeply around the celebration of the birth of Christ.

 

Another thought that comes up for me is, what about giving yourself time with just, well......yourself? What does that look and feel like? I'm still trying to figure out what that means for me. I've embarked on A Season of Mindfulness and in doing so I've been trying out what it feels like to really listen within, to slow it down and be present, or not. It's an uphill struggle to sort out all of those grizzly places that have been longing for attention. Most days are better than others but when I'm really digging deeply I've found that there is lots of clean-up to do. Years of neglect and stuffing means shifting and clearing the way won't happen overnight. That may be one of the most frustrating things about self-care and love.......I'm an instant gratification kinda girl, this isn't like needle felting :) Having said that I have had some wonderful break throughs. I know very deeply that I am extremely sensitive and my feelings get hurt easily. I am eagerly working on shifting all of that by being better about communicating (some days are better than others) and realizing that it's OK for me to be my *soul* provider. I've looked to my partner, mostly, to fulfill that role. That's a pretty large role to fill so when things don't happen or work out the way I would expect, my feelings get hurt. I would love to release my adoring husband and myself from all of that.......the beautiful thing about self-care and love is that you feel good about all of it! All that goodness and love comes from and continues to live within you. Imagine how that would fill you up?! Taking the time to do something nice for yourself will fill your vessel more quickly than waiting for someone else to do it!

 

Speaking of needle felting, I carved out some time to work on another St. Nicholas treat for one of my lovies that will go along with our little note (I'm really loving creating handmade treasures for my children this year!).

 

 I cut a 5" round piece of felt and needle felted some polka dots on to it.

 

 

Then I stitched a drawstring through it........

 

 

.......and voila! A felted drawstring pouch! I imagine it would make a lovely little package with a sweet little note from St. Nicholas to leave in my Bella's shoe. Later, she could use the pouch as a travel jewelry pouch. I'm sure she'll think of something.

 

 

What will your St. Nicholas celebration look like this year?

A St. Nicholas Day Treasure

Today I'm joining Nicole at Frontier Dreams for her Keep Calm Craft On series.

 

It's been such a lovely couple of days of getting things ready! The beginning of Advent, preparing for a month's worth of celebrating.  It's been a bit of a struggle to find the quiet, alone time to work on little treats for St. Nicholas to leave in my kiddos shoes but I was able to carve out a bit of time last night when I returned home from school. It was a bit late, and there was still come tidying up that needed to happen before I would allow myself to relax. Once that moment was realized, there was no stopping me!

 

Just a few weeks ago I finally found the courage to teach myself how to knit. It was something I had wanted for a very, very long time. As a child I had requested to learn, but, the timing was never right. As I got older, I was taught to crochet, so I built on those skills, sort of! Anyway, I saw this beautiful knitted story blanket and was so inspired by it that I went out and got a pair of needles and sat up late one night and watched about a dozen Youtube videos until I had it down! It was much easier than I had expected but I believe it came to me easily because I wished it so :) I've been so inspired by following along with various Yarn Alongs but don't quite have the skills to knit a sweater or something bigger or more complicated than a scarf! I've been finding that the back and forth knitting is getting a bit boring, I needed to spice things up a bit. I knew that I had wanted to put together some lovely peg dolls for the littles for St. Nicholas day so I thought (mind you, I truly was just imagining never did it dawn on me that I could make it happen) a knitted, little gnome hat would be a perfect finishing touch.

 

 

I found a very simple pattern, gathered all of my materials, and began! This little gnome came to life very quickly. He told me what colors to chose for his underclothes and coat. Even the blanket stitch. I didn't have to think of anything. Then came the little hat. I closed my eyes and put my hand into my yarn basket, pulled out a ball of yarn and proceeded to cast on.

 

 

This picture is several rows into my little hat; I had begun to decrease my stitches at this point. All of this is so new to me so when I saw that it was actually coming together, (read:: it was actually working) I could hardly contain my joy! And it was too late so no one was awake to share it with!

 

 

Here he is, in all of his splendid glory! I love him, dearly, and I love that when I was helping bring him to form that I immediately knew which little he would belong to. All of that love and energy is encapsulated within him. I just know that he will be deeply loved, a treasure to live among us, through our children's play-filled days. I can't wait to get started on the other little friend who will be joining him!

 

What are you working on?

 

 

Our first week of Advent

Now the twilight of the year

Comes, and Christmas draweth near.

See, across the Advent sky

How the clouds move quietly.

Earth is waiting, wrapt in sleep,

Waiting in a silence deep.

Birds are hid in bush and reed

Flowers are sleeping in their seed.

 

Through the woodland to and fro

Silent-footed creatures go.

Hedgehog curled in prickly ball

Burrows 'neath the leaves that fall.

Man and beast and bird and flower

Waiting for the midnight hour

Waiting for the Christ-child's birth

Christ who made the heaven and earth.

~ Ann Ellerton

 

Our first few days of Advent have been quite special. We had some lovely family time to tip it off. We spent lovely time at our church yesterday, welcoming in the Advent season, sharing a cup of coffee with our neighbors, and then the children all rehearsed a piece of music they will perform in the church's Christmas Eve service. I wished I had taken a picture of our Charlotte. Her little face with a smile from ear to ear as she sang her little heart out (when she remembered the words). This is her first ever performance, well.......actually, when she  was not not even 2 years old she was a little Angel in the Christmas pageant. She flitted about, not following at all what was happening. She gave those that came to see it quite a laugh, and me a run for my money! Either way, it was beautiful to watch.

 

 

 

We have had our Nature Table and Advent Garden set now for about a week.  We just couldn't wait! Our Nature Table is donned with a blue silk and a porcelain dish with some stones and shells. Our chalkboard drawing reads the first part of Rudolf Steiner's poem for Advent.....

 

The first Light of Advent is the Light of stones,

Stones that lives in crystals, seashells and bones.

 

Over our Advent garden (which is located on a large dresser in our dining room) is ready and waiting for the addition of all those who will  arrive in time for the coming of the Christ child; stones, plants, sheep, donkeys, shepards, the Angel, Joseph and Mary. As the days go on, we will add other elements to bring a focus toward waiting........in hope, in honor of, and in love. We have 3 stars hanging above our garden and will have more as time goes on. On Christmas morning, the largest star will be hung in honor of the one we've been anticipating all through Advent.

 

 

It's been a beautiful week of preparations. This week we will also celebrate St. Nicholas Day. I'm working  on handmade gifts for the littles and the big kids. Below is a picture of a felted bill fold (?) for my son. He loves wallets......I thought I'd see how it goes :) for my oldest daughter, I'll be making her a little felted pouch for her jewelry.



Here, in this photo, are the fixings for some peg dolls for the littles. I'm excited to get my hands on these colorful felt pieces and see what little friends are born from them.

 

Season of Mindfulness:: Day 4

 

An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break. May you be open to each thread that comes into your life - the golden ones and the coarse ones - and may you weave them into a brilliant and beautiful life ~ Ancient Chinese proverb

 

 

I saw these words this morning at The Magic Onions  (on their Facebook page) and they inspired my focus for today's mindfulness meditation. How do these invisible threads effect your relationships? How do they effect you during this Advent season? Are your threads breaking off as you become unattached to certain aspects of your life? Do you want to be unattached? I'm working on realigning my relationships with my  hopes for where I would like to be. It would be hard to get anywhere if you where surrounding yourself with those who were not holding you up or contributing positivity to your moments. It's because of those people that we are so deeply connected to that we have gotten where we are today. There are those people we are connected to that we don't even know, like that guy at the coffee shop! It's our smiles, our "how do you dos", it's holding the door open, it's offering a helping hand. These threads that connect us is what makes our days that much brighter, or darker, depending on who we let in. Who are you letting in?

 

 

 

 

How are you preparing today? This week? This season?

Gratitude: A Season of Mindfulness Day 3

  I've decided to join up with Taryn at Wooly Moss Roots for her Gratitude Blog link-up. (thank you, Momto5 at A Family's Journey for introducing this blog to me through your lovely blog!!)   G r a t i t u d e * S u n d a y {Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.}   I had begun my own Gratitude link-up a while ago, not knowing that this one existed. Sharing gratitude is so much more inspiring when it's captured with others........I'm thankful to be joining up with others today xo   * Angels, seen and unseen   * Walking away from what could have been 2 really nasty car accidents (in one day)   * Waking up early with Seraphina and being grateful for waking up at all   * Having lots of special, alone moments with each of my children this week   * My continued work for finding ways to not feel less than when I'm surrounded by people who live very radical lifestyles   * The steadfast love and support of my Dad and Sister   *Apologizing and meaning it   *Being excited about change   * Knowing I have time to just be this week and focus on cleaning and our continued Advent preparations   * Knowing deep down that some days, it's OK to resign.   * Friends! Friends are amazing nourishment for the soul.  

   

 

A Season of Mindfulness; Day 2

As it usually happens, things don't always turn out as planned. My day today was all about learning to let go and give it over to { God, the Universe, Spirit }. I expected to experience things in order for me to put into practice the higher parts of myself, but........just not so quickly!

I had my monthly full day of class today. This requires me to drive 45 minutes from home. Now, we are big proponents of purchasing 2nd hand cars ( or 3rd, 4th etc.)!! Our beloved Honda Odyssey has been giving us clues that her end was near but no clue has been more clear than today's!  

It was snowing this morning when I left for school. I drove slowly down dirt road to the main road, about 1 mile or so. As I was nearing the end of the road I began to break as I normally do but there was nothing but ice under me (snow was covering it, the roads seemed fine, I must have just hit a slick patch!!). My car wouldn't stop. I slid the whole way down the road........had a quick thought for a moment that "Oh, gosh......there could be a car coming." I could barely get myself to look to see if I was going to get hit by an on-coming car. I cringed as I slid into the main road, quickly turned the wheel to get the car straightened out and........then........nothing. My ears were buzzing. My heart was pounding. And I was driving; as if nothing had happened at all.

I got to school and had a lovely day. Gave and received two massages in preparation for our midterms next week. I left school early today as I was meeting family up North for a fun little family outing. My instructor stopped me on my way out and asked if I would be willing to hook in, energetically, at 4:15pm as our class would be sending some light and love to a classmate of ours who has been having a difficult time. I was glad to be asked and said that I would hook in as I was driving. I hopped in the car, stopped at the nearest gas station, and pulled up next to a pump. I got out of the car and noticed my pump number........13. I chuckled at myself as I was about to get back in my car and pull to a different pump (I'm a bit superstitious). I went in, paid for my fuel, came back out, and proceeded to call my husband as I pumped. We chatted, checked in about whereabouts. I remembered he had mentioned to me earlier in the week about needing to replace our front right tire. I checked in with him about that. He believed that all would be well. I agreed and was on my way. As my exit lay before me, I noticed a strong calling in me to be very aware of my surroundings. My eyes and ears became very keen to everything; lights, sounds, and other distractions. I proceeded to pull off my exit and head down the ramp. At the bottom of the ramp I noticed it was 4:14pm. I took a deep breath, pulled up to the next stop light, stopped, closed my eyes, began to sink in to the swirling energy about and out into the Universe. I opened my eyes, pulled through the stop light and............

I am so thankful for all the Angels that were with me today; the ones that shielded me from on-coming traffic, the ones that held my car together until I was in a safe place, the ones that whispered to me to be ever present. I am thankful for the Angels that made it their promise to get me to all the loves of my life tonight.........

There are so many more photos I wished I had to include ALL of my beloveds.......you know who you are.

On this second day of my Season of Mindfulness, I am utterly aware of how much we don't have control over what happens in our life. We can control our actions, our decisions. We cannot control the outcome. I understand more deeply how every moment counts, every second we are awake means we are to be listening for the subtle whispers of our Angels. Don't get lost in the mire, swim above it all. Breathe deeply and fully. Honor what is being asked of you and DO IT with passion and love. Return to your loves everyday, without fail and give them your heart, all of it!

Smile. Breathe. And go slowly xo