Chocolate and Shrove Tuesday

Sometimes chocolate is just a good idea. It comes in a variety of sweetness levels, satisfying the severest sweet tooth to just one that needs a lit kick in the pants and everything in between! We're working on lifting spirits here this week. After another week of "fever baby" we could all use a little lift, and so what if we use chocolate as a motivator?!

 

 

Luckily for me (and really, do I need an excuse?) Valentine's Day is this week and today just happens to be Fat Tuesday, perfect time to indulge a little and bring out the bulk chocolate that's been sitting in the freezer since Christmas! 

 

A few weeks ago I bought a few packages of dried fruits: cranberries, blueberries, cherries, and plums. My original intention was to bake with them but then I realized.....who doesn't love chocolate covered dried fruit? Chocolate covered raisins has always been a hit, maybe we could take a walk on the wild side and try something new! Thank goodness we're a fearless bunch because these are just simply divine!

 

The littles we're thrilled to get their hands in a plate full of melted chocolate. I didn't have my eye on them the whole time so I wonder how much actually made it on the plate as opposed to in their bellies :)

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Then there is always the cliche of chocolate covered strawberries.

 

As this is the start of the Lenten season, I feel a very strong pull to just let the spirit flow and do whatever it is that I'm being led to. I haven't always allowed myself that luxury, and well.....having five children can make that a wee bit challenging at times. Our Lenten journey is described well here in this older post; how we hold on to the reverence of this time and nourish our spiritual bodies. As I form a clearer picture of our current state as a family, I'm realizing that nourishment for our collective and individual selves is paramount. We've all had to sacrifice quite a bit as of late, it's time now to figure out how to manage the difficulties in our lives without sacrificing our family body. I am really quite inspired that all of this seems to be culminating at the time of Lent.

 

"I believe Lent is the time to work with what gets in our way - the obstacles to our desire to fulfill our destiny." ~ Lynn Jericho on the spiritual practices of Inner Lent.

 

You can read her full post about Inner Lent here.

 

How will you work with what gets in your way this Lenten season?

 

Valentine's Day Window Hearts

 

Candle light, moon light, star light,
The brightest glow is from love light.

~Terri Guillemets

 

We made a simple Valentine decoration today to adorn our front door windows. I am in love with window transparencies; I love the colors that shine through, how they instantaneously beautify a space, the time and patience it takes to create them. These were awfully simple to create. Using white coffee filters, we water colored them and after they dried, I cut them into heart shapes and glued them to our front door windows (using a glue stick). Using homemade window paint (a simple mixture of tempura paint and dish soap. I didn't measure, I just eye balled it and hoped for the best) I traced the hearts on the window and there you have it!

 

Valentine's Day, I have found, can be such a bright and fun day while we are in the midst of February. At this time of dark and cold days, it's nice to have a day that is simply focused on just being kind and sweet and in love. We'll pull out the Valentine hearts we made last year and use them to decorate our nature table as well as create a few new ones to add to the lot.

 

 

As we get over the February hump and get closer to seeing the stirring of Springtime, I can't help but feel hopeful for the newness that we'll begin to witness. The sheep are beginning to show signs that lambing season will soon be here, birds are busy and chirping away, days are becoming longer and longer, and I know soon enough we will begin to see buds popping up from beneath the snow. Valentine's Day, for me, is a day to stir the sleepy busyness within me. It's been dark and cold for many months and while Valentine's Day isn't warmest or sunniest day of the year, it helps me to remember that with love......all things are possible. We can brighten each others day by simply acting out of love, being love, seeing love within each other. I'll be the first to admit, that it's been hard to be in that place this winter. It's been a trying time and I know I haven't offered up my best self on more than one (or two, or three) occasions. The light that will shine through each of the hearts on our front entry way will serve as a reminder to try to recommit myself to this virtue::

“Before you speak ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, it is true, does it improve upon the silence?”   
~ Shirdi Sai Baba

 

*sigh* Love is good. It softens the heart and brightens the day. How might Valentine's Day shake the winter blues out of you?

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Ironically, as I was perusing Pinterest after this post was published, I came across this post with the exact same Valentine activity!! This has happened before and I love it!! It's amazing to me! Nonetheless, I feel it's important to include it here :)

http://innerchildfun.com/2013/01/quick-valentine-window-display.html

Breathing in and Letting go

Photo courtesy of Laura Shea

 

"The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride." ~ Pema Chodron When Things Fall Apart


It seems that lately not many things have gone as anticipated. Many of the crucial foundations from which my days are built (as of late) have been altered in some way. I'm sure, in time, I will see the reason behind why things worked out as they have but in the meantime, I feel like a little girl stomping her feet and pouting out of disappointment and well.....because I didn't get my way!

As I consider those many things here is one that stands out as it runs deep, on many different levels:: Several months ago I was pleased as punch to see my dream of being a body worker begin to culminate by being accepted in our local school for Massage Therapy. I began classes in October and have done really, really well! I was passing, in fact, I'm proud to say that my grades are better than I have ever done, ever......going back as far as my early school years! I loved what I was learning, I loved my classmates, my teachers, the drive to and from school, and I even loved that special coffee treat I'd get for myself occasionally for the ride home.

In other posts I've shared with you how our little Seraphina has been struck with some odd fever syndrome. We haven't gotten any new information as of yet and are kind of in a stand still, waiting to see if she spikes yet another fever. From the last two fevers they seem pretty cyclic so we're holding our breath a bit until the middle of the month to see if it indeed comes back. If that be the case, more tests and other work-ups will be performed to see what the best course of treatment would be. I have fear of so many things.....I pray everyday that all is as it should be and try to find peace in that, within myself and Seraphina's bright blue eyes, and in the comfort of my family. Because of these unforeseen instances, I had to withdraw from school. It didn't really take much thinking over, it was the right decision because first and foremost I am a Mother. The paperwork was finalized today and so long as all goes well over the next seven months I hope to begin again. I know, it doesn't seem that big of a deal, especially since a restart could be in my future.......it's just I had a plan, ya know?! I had things all worked out, dreaming up a business name, how I would be of service to my community, I dreamt of being able to help provide financially for our family easing the burden a bit for my husband. Mostly, I dreamt of rediscovering those parts of myself that still seek the sunlight.......

I'm breathing in and letting go. Like the tree above.......absorbing all that is and releasing it back; an ebb and flow; and give and take; a breathing in and breathing out. Sometimes life doesn't go as planned......we forget dates, are in bad moods for the littlest things, fight with or bring anger to another, say hurtful things out of fear and the unwillingness to just let it go, and sometimes we don't get what it is we had hoped for. Life is hard sometimes, but the best part is we can begin again any time. We can have a restart, even if it's months down the road. Once we give up and lose hope a piece of our spirit has died. One of the biggest obstacles of this has been to not wallow in my despair but to rise to the challenge to show my children  that even as adults, we too, don't always get what we set our hearts and minds to. We cast our sight on our dream and aim for it. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.......accepting the sadness for what it is but refusing to be defeated.

So, I will continue to breathe, continue to wake up, be a Mama to five amazing souls, a wife to one dreamy man, and in the meantime I will keep my eyes on my dream. It will come, one day. Even if in seven months it still isn't the right time I will find a away to keep those soul parts of me alive. After wading through the murkiness and sadness I've rediscovered that all that I am in a day is also the place where those pieces of me that get stuffed live. They live in my children and in my work as a homemaker, teacher, lover, friend, sister, daughter, blogger ;) Sometimes I forget......it happens. We get so caught up in what the picture in our head of how our reality "should" look like that we forget that it's the experiences that matter.

"To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that's life." ~ Pema Chodron When Things Fall Apart

 

I'm looking forward to pushing the restart button here at home. Reconnecting, digging deeper, and improving on what I can here at home. It feels good. There is peace after all......

Candlemas

 

 "At the beginning of February, when the infant light of spring is greeted thankfully by the hoary winter earth, it seems fitting we should celebrate a candle Festival to remember that moment when the Light of the World was received into the Temple, when the old yielded to the new.”

~ from All Year Round

 

I was a bit overwhelmed on Friday when I realized that the first of February was upon us and I hadn't prepared at all for St. Brigid's Day and Candlemas. This past week was filled with wonderful  distractions but the re-entry into reality was a bit of a rough landing! As always, what's meant to be will be and and things don't always need to go as planned. Being alright with that and letting go of expectations is the trick! I'm learning :)

 

It seems as we've studied more about St. Brigid we've come to really adore her. As I stood at my counter this morning and began to piece together the cross above (with Iris leaves that my hunny picked just for this occasion), we sat there, watching it come together and were struck by the reverence and especially beautiful rhythm making this cross possesses. It's simple but divine. Hanging this on our entryway seemed only fitting and as we learned, that is part of the tradition! I believe, we as a family, have found our patron saint!

The littles and I also made our super, special Celtic Tea Cake this morning in honor of St. Brigid

 

We even braved the blustery, winter day and ventured out to finish our ice lantern and earth candles.

 

Tonight, as we sit down to a pancake supper by candlelight, we will gather our thoughts toward the Light; thinking of what it means to begin anew, accept what works and what doesn't and somehow make sense of it all. I'll lovingly look at my children and my husband and thank God that I've been given this chance to shine my light with them. They help me to remember who it is I'm meant to be, who I was, why I'm here, what this whole thing called Life is about. Candlemas is such a reverent time, honoring the Light that lives within us all, reminding each other that we're each good enough just as we are.

 

 

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

Eleven Years

 

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Long ago a little angel flew from star to star gatheringlight and compassion, which came from all around her. At each star she metbig angels who showed her the way. One day Big Angel said, “It is time to go tothe Sun.” Little angel followed to a place of warmth shining like gold. Therebees and butterflies sang to her of love. Big angel led her to the moon, cleanand crisp like new snow. From the moon she saw the most beautiful sight- aplace of flowers, trees, rolling oceans, and two special souls who seemed to besmiling up at her. “May I go there?” little angel asked big angel. “It istime,” Big Angel said. “Use the gifts of light and compassion you havegathered to carry you over the rainbow bridge. There is a mother and a father  who have been waiting for you.” Little angelcarried her gifts over the rainbow bridge to her new home on the Earth.

From the first moment her parents loved her and they calledher Isabella, and Isabella was her name. When she was born it was a cold winterevening and the full moon and a million stars were smiling down on her from thesky. Her Aunt Sandy saw her first and cried. She cried because Isabella wassuch a beautiful little angel and she knew that Isabella would bring manywonderful gifts to all who met her. Isabella was a wee babe but strong and shehad a beautiful newborn cry.

And then Isabella was one year old and she was sweet aslittle ones could be. She was a happy little girl, always content. She loved tosnuggle in and read and play with her new favorite toy: tea sets!

Then Isabella turned two years old and never was sheterrible. She loved to eat chocolate and loved to swim and loved to be carriedon the tops of everyone’s shoulder.

Isabella turned three years old and was a princess in themaking. She had many outfits to try on throughout the day, shoes and dressesand purses. Isabella would sit all dressed up with her tea set and serving everyone tea.

Then Isabella turned four years old and she began school atHawthorne Valley. She was a Peach blossom with Mrs. Ward and made many newfriends. One friend was Farmer Katy. She would always greet Farmer Katy with agreat big smile and a wonderful hug.  Isabella loved the cows on the farm and her favorite day at school was bread day and rice day!

When Isabella turned five some of her most favoriteactivities were going camping with Nana and Papa, swimming,  hiking, and dragging Odie along wherever shewent. She went on many adventures like hiking in the mountains, canoeing on the river, and exploring every nook and cranny around her.

And then Bella turned six years old and she became a bigsister because another little angel named Charlotte joined her family. Isabellawas so happy and smiled from ear to ear when she met her new baby sister. Sheread to her, sat with her and was her Mama’s biggest helper. She loved to help batheher, hold her, and most importantly, change her diaper!

When Isabella turned seven years old she moved to a newschool. She didn’t have any trouble making new friends and very much enjoyedthe classroom, her teacher, and new friends. Isabella also moved to a new housethat year. She had her own room and a big yard to rider her bike and imagine all sorts of play! Isabella also becamean older sister again when another little angel, Kiki, came to be with her family.Again, she was immediately drawn to this little child and loved her and helpedout in any way she could.

Then Isabella turned eight years old and she had a reallyfun spa birthday party. She invited her closest friends and they enjoyed a 6tiered chocolate birthday cake, homemade lotions and other delights! Isabella loved to ride her bike after school,climb her favorite apple tree, and learn to play the piano.

And then Isabella turned nine years old and she got her earspierced!!! Her family surprised her with dinner out where everyone in the restaurant sang Happy Birthday to her .  Isabella and her family alsomoved into another home where there were many other children and lots of things to doand see. She loved being on “the land” and immediately was at home in her newroom and new surroundings.  She loved to help out with caring for the sheep, collecting eggs, and looked forward to the many activities that happened in our new community everyday.

Isabella then turned ten years old and was in her first playat Mac-Haydn Theatre. She tried out and was asked right away to be in Oliver.She worked really hard and stayed up really late and it paid off! She wasamazing. Isabella worked very hard on doing many things like:: practicingpiano, her schoolwork, being a big sister, helping her Mama around the house, keepingup with her chores, and just being a kid! Isabella has many wonderful friendswho love her very much. New friends moved into the house next door to us and our families have spent much time together celebrating all of the joys life has to offer. Isabella became the best of friends with their two daughters and loves them as if they were her sisters.

And now, Isabella is eleven years old! Wow, how time flies!!Isabella is becoming an amazing young lady. She is kind, selfless, honest,accepting, she works hard, is full of love and beauty, and is her Mama’s numberone helper. Isabella learned to play the viola and was even asked to sing a solo in her choir concert this year. She made All-County choir and plans to try out again for Mac-Haydn Theatre. Isabella is deeply loved and appreciated for all that she gives toeveryone every day. Her family thanks their lucky stars every night that shewas born!

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Isabella Sandra Rain. She is my sweet angel, my oldest daughter, the beacon of light in my very long day. This young lady has never ceased to amaze me with the delight of her love, happiness, and her ability to turn the unfriendly things into something bearable. Her smile, her laugh, her friendship. I am so humbled that she chose me. From the very beginning of her time here on this earth I knew that we had an old and very deep connection, one that traveled across eternity. Its amazing to feel so connected to your children in that way. I never imagined that it was possible before I had children and now that they are here,  and as I watch the years fly by, the depths of our age old connections are very aware and they astound me.

 

 

I wasn't able to get as many photos as  I would have liked. She placed a tall order for her birthday supper:: Thanksgiving dinner!! It was wonderful! She helped in fits and starts, peeling potatoes, tasting, and just standing by my side chatting away about her day, her dreams, her worries. Her cake was also a bit of a project. She asked for a grasshopper cake; layers of gluten free chocolate cake with a mint chocolaty pudding in between and mint whipped cream frosting! She always pushes my culinary boundaries.....and I love it! As the children get older they like to stray from the usual treats of a "typical" birthday. The littles aren't quite there yet, and I'm fine with that for now!

 

 I'm enjoying the some what gentle ride into adolescence of my older children. To help cultivate a deeper connection and sense of trust between us I decided to some howbuild a bridge into this thing called adolescence by giving her a very special journal. This journal is something both she and I will write in, together, to each other. I explained that I understood how sometimes it can be hard to talk face to face with a parent. I expressed how important it was to not bottle up any feelings and to say even the hardest truth. I asked her to write to me every night, to tell me something about her day, or about a trouble, or a joy, or about how I might have upset her. I promised her that this was a safe space, she could tell me anything and she wouldn't get into trouble and we didn't even have to talk about it, unless she requested to. I promised her I would respond anyway she wanted, either to write back or to sit privately and talk. I wished I could have bottled up that moment. I gave her the journal privately as I figured it might have been embarrassing for her to open in front of her friends. I read her what I wrote (I have to remember to not write in cursive!!) and I couldn't help but get a bit weepy. I looked up and she was getting weepy herself!! She climbed into my lap (my 11 year old!!) hugged me and said "Mama, that is the most beautiful gift you could have ever given me." We sat there, in silence, she took the journal and went off to her room. I woke up this morning and she had placed the journal next to my pillow where I found her first entry. *sigh*

 

 

 

Her smile is so radiant, contagious! She brings so much love and light to everyone she knows. My Bella is as gentle as a kiss, and as tender as a flower. I pray everyday that she finds the strength she will need to carry on and to not ever surrender her peace and self-worth to the tests of this time and age.  She wears her heart on her sleeve, if someone cries she cries with them. Oh dear world, be kind to my Bella. She deserves every ounce of goodness and more.

 

Happy Birthday, my darling!

 

 

Coloring Winter (an older post for today)

Feeling like a wee bit of color is needed in these dreary, wintry days. Here is an older post (tutorial) on bringing in the forthcoming season of St. Valentine. A bit early, I know but who cares!! It's all in good fun :)

Click the link below for the full post and tutorial!!

Valentine Window Transparency

Celebrate Today

 

This day is very meaningful to my family. Each year we try to be of service somehow,to our community either by reaching out or by simply being present. This year we did both! We spent the morning preparing an alter asking passersby to look within themselves and commit to acting out a random kindness to a stranger or loved one. Then, we spent the afternoon bearing cards and laughter to our neighbors and friends at Camphill Ghent.

 

 

 

 

This is what our letter said::

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. and his life’s work AND in

memory of all the lives lost if only to remind us that…

 “If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”

spend today, January 21, 2013,

Committing Random Acts of Kindness.

~ Choose a slip of paper from the bowl and if possible, commit that act of love today! Consider for a moment, that if the paper you choose seems odd or uncomfortable to you, might you go ahead and explore this act of kindness that is out of your comfort zone anyway? It might just be the push you need to commit to being a constant presence of peace within your family and community! I challenge you tomove beyond the worry of “what people might think” and fully understand that…

 “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

~ Make sure to leave a little note for the receiver of your Act of Kindness (if it is an anonymous act) encouraging them to begin their own journey of spreading peace and kindness in their own lives by Committing Random Acts of Kindness.



 

 Our finished poster.

 

The other part of our day consisted of spending some time over at Camphill Ghent. We just love spending time there with the many wonderful souls who grace the buildings there. It is so peaceful, calming, joyful, relaxing......it's such an honor to be there. The littles (and Bella) made some cards to sneak into the personal mailboxes of some of the residents there saying things like "You are amazing." "I am really glad to know you." "You are beautiful."

 

 

 

Life is so full of busyness. It feels so amazing to be together as a family honoring the lives of others. We had many smiles, hugs, and joy. What better way to spend an afternoon?!

 

I hope you, dear friends, found and/or felt the spirit of love that was intended for this day. xo

Peace at Home

Gifts

by William Ward

 

On the day of your birth

You were given gifts,

The seeds of your own will,

To sow upon the Earth,

That through your work

The seeds might grow

Into a fruitful garden

Protected by the Tree of Life

Whose branches hold up Heaven.

 

Now your roots grip solid ground,

Glad to be alive.

Your head bears a golden crown

Like the sun that lights the sky.

Your breath weaves in and out

Like the ocean tides,

As the fountain of your heart

Sings the song of life.

 

You crossed the rainbow bridge,

You left your Heavenly home

To walk the green, fruitful Earth

Beneath the starry dome.

You know this is the place

To give your gifts away,

Scattering them like golden seeds

Unfolding every day.

Seed-deeds ripen beneath the sun

Rooted in fertile will

To become the Bread of Life

When the seeds are milled.

 

For the past few years we, as a family, have done something special and unique to honor the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. We've hosted several fundraisers, visited the animals at our local shelter, cooked a meal for our neighbors in need, and last year we made a simple Peace Tree to honor the peace that lives within us all; the peace that is yearned for across all borders. This year, it has been my greatest intention to create more peace at home. With 7 people under one roof, a myriad of chores that never get done, stress about school, home school, stress about the world outside our door, fears etc. sometimes our home can seem a bit harried. The thing about blogs is that you can only give a small glimpse into the window of your life. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but most blogs I read (including my own) portray the positive glories of their life. Sometimes, reality sneaks in and we shine a different light, but all in all......we highlight the wonderful, beautiful, glorious moments of our home and our life with our families! And rightfully so! We have so much to celebrate within our days that, by all means, we should shout it from the roof tops! But.....what about those other moments. You know, the ones where you have to bite your tongue so hard in order to keep a harsh word hidden or maybe not? What about those moments when we are at our weakest, our most vulnerable, those moments when we throw our hands up in surrender? Those deep, dark moments when our peace is taken from us......

 

Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take,
Let this be my solemn vow;
To take each moment and
live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

~ excerpt from Let There Be Peace on Earth

By many strides, we are quite peaceful. We laugh, we sing, we play, we spend beautiful time  together. We also argue, yell, cry, and say hurtful things to each other. We are not unlike any other family......the thing is, I would like to see us building up our foundation for a deeper connection to each other, a deeper level of respect for each other, a shared vision of our family culture and the impact we'd like it to have within our community. My goal for this weekend is to acknowledge those dark moment we have together and to introduce a simple way to cultivate more peace at home.

 

In an effort to create a space, free from worry and noise, I've dedicated a small corner of our bedroom, for anyone who wishes to use it, as the Quiet Corner. Here they will find a small rug for sitting, books that are peaceful and kind, cards I've made with words (for those of us who can read) to sit and meditate on, and cards with pictures for the littles to sit and think about. There is a candle, a rocking chair, and a notebook where those of us who sit in that space can write or draw about whatever comes up for them. It's a sit-spot, placed right next to our biggest window where you can see the sheep meadow, our beautiful apple tree, and listen to the many birds that live among it. It's the perfect natural vista to contemplate the many things that make noise in our minds. This quiet spot is where one can just be and release and accept all that is or isn't. This is my way of bringing more peace into our home so that we can fully use our gifts out in the world. My hope is that this safe space will allow each of us to cultivate that inner stillness which will open our hearts to our greater selves.

 

Like the poem above "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."

 

We, as a family, have many "seed-deeds" we wish to accomplish in this lifetime but first, we owe it to ourselves to know the deepness that peace has to offer us, within our own hearts. SO! For this weekend before we celebrate the life of  Martin Luther King, Jr. we will celebrate and honor our life's work as a family. Then, on Monday, we will embark on a journey through own little village and bring some of what we may experience together to others. This is our way of bringing peace to our greater home. On Monday I will post our plan for the day....stay tuned :)

 

 

How do you cultivate peace within your family culture?  I'd love to hear how xo

 

 

~ I Have Come Home ~

 

 

I have come home.

 

I have entered humanhood, bound to rocks and

plants, men and women, rivers and sky.

 

I shall be with you in this and other worlds.

 

When the cat arches in the doorway, think of me.

I have sometimes been like that.

 

When two men meet each other in the street, I am

there speaking to you.

 

When you look up, know I am there -

sun and moon - pouring my love around you.

 

All these things I am; portents, images, signs.

 

Though apart, I am part of you.

 

One of the million things in the universe, I am the

universe, too.

 

You think I disguise myself as rivers and trees

simply to confuse you?

 

Whatever I am, woman, cat or lotus, the same God

breathes in every body.

 

You and I together are a single creation.

 

Neither death nor spite nor fear nor ignorance

stops my love for you...

 

~ From the Waldorf Book of Poetry

 

Like so many millions of people on this Earth, I am whirling aimlessly in my days and  nights in the wake of the terrible tragedy that struck Connecticut's little town of Newtown; a place very much like my own. My heart is aching, so, so, deeply as I hear of and see the pain in the loss of so many innocent lives. Young souls that had only graced this planet for such a short time have now made a powerful impact and have landed upon the hearts of millions. Then there are the older souls, those loving, devoted, and selfless humans who when faced with danger, allowed themselves to be guided by grace and protect the lives that they were charged to care for.  I am in awe of them. My heart bursts with adoration for there immediate willingness to love at the highest level possible, without question.

 

The Christmas season has turned somber. It's hard to think of celebrating knowing that so many are wishing every minute that life isn't as it is. My eyes have become more keen at seeing my children; watching them, observing them, hearing them, loving them. I'm speaking slower, pregnant with more meaning. I'm holding their little bodies, breathing together, feeling their warmth, tuning into their little spirits......and then letting them go, and seeing their eye sparkle as they turn to look at me and smile. I don't think I have thanked the good Lord above so many time in day for the lives of my children. I am in constant prayer.......for them, for the ones who are missed, for me to have the strength to be more, give more, do more.

 

What I have learned about myself over the years is that I feel helpless when I can't be of use. I know that there is nothing in the world I could do for the community of Newtown, Connecticut to ease their suffering and agony. I will however, continue to send the my love, hold them in prayer, and shine the Light that I have been given up into the ethers, hoping at the very least they will sense some warmth and feel loved.

 

There is one thing I do wish to do. I would love for you to join me, should you feel called to do so. The photo above shows a woolen angel carrying a child in her arms. Late last night as I was pouring over articles and photos of those beautiful souls, angels came to my heart. I heard a whisper that asked me to make angels.......make an angel for each soul that is being missed in Newtown. So I began. I had never made such an angel before but had seen and appreciated many. I knew that I was being guided in creating this beautiful tribute because my hands instinctively knew what to do.

 

26 angels will be made.......I will bring them to Newtown myself before Christmas (it's only a mere 90 minutes from my home). If you, dear friend, would like to contribute an angel in honor of these amazing beings please comment below. I will be in touch with you each individually about how to retrieve them from you. Maybe if we aren't separated by too many miles we could meet in Newtown with our love and commitment to bring a little bit of Light to those who are so deeply saddened.

 

 Here is a link to our tutorial!!
 

Below you will see the button created by Eileen from Little Acorn Learning. She has begun a movement to keep the light in front of the darkness as we travel this new road within our lives. You can learn more here.

 

 

 

May wisdom shine through me,

May love glow within me,

May strength penetrate me,

That in me may arise

A helper of mankind,

A servant of holy things,

 Selfless, and true.

 

~ Adolph Arenson

also from The Waldorf Book of Poetry

 

Bubble Wrap

We've sure been on a roll this summer. June was an "exciting" month as we were joined not only by our most beautiful angel, Seraphina, but also by pertussis. We embraced the process and all the fear and uncertainty that comes with this illness and as a result I can, with much peace and relief, say everyone has recovered wonderfully.

Shortly after the recovery process had begun, Kiki fell. She fell and broke her wrist. As you can see from the photo above it didn't take away her joy or her fearlessness. She continued on her way, even that evening; climbing, running, jumping. She didn't slow down and she didn't quit smiling. Her recovery was quick and painless. Thankfully!

Two weeks have now passed since her cast was removed and we have been at the Emergency Room twice in two days due to another injury. Once for the initial injury which was a result of Kiki finding a piece of glass with her little foot. Thankfully no glass was found in her wound nor did she need stitches. There was more crying from fear than there was from pain, for all of us. The day after we found ourselves back in the ER for an immunization for tetanus. We are following a delayed immunization schedule and as a result our littlest ones are lacking the immunizations we've decided we'll have administered at a time when we are certain their little bodies can handle the load. Tetanus is one of them.

Needless to say, it's been a whirlwind of emotions, for all of us. As parents, you find out your expecting and from that moment on the worry and fear floodgates are burst open. You research, read, talk with trusted friends and doctors, family offer up advice, you watch and wait for signs that you've made good or not so good choices, you hear your baby's heartbeat, feel them moving in your womb, hold them, exude so much love for them that you glow. Your heart is overwhelmed with love and joy on that day you bring forth that aching pain and hold in your arms the precious bundle that is so perfect and wonderful. At that moment you swear you will protect them from every little thing. Pain, fear, sadness, failure, bullies, broken hearts, illness, injury. You name it. It's so hard to watch your babies traveling the road that can only be their own. You can't change anything......it's their path to walk. As parents, we can only walk with them, not for them, or even against them. We can try, by golly, but in the end.......it's up to them. We can love them, support them, be there for them, hug them, hold them, adore them, tell them they are wonderful and perfect, encourage them, cheer for them but ultimately......we can only watch them. How many times I'd wished things were different but could do nothing to change the outcome. Our family has seen so much fear and tears these past few months but for all of that we've LOVED so much more. We're all so much closer and have really seen, first hand, that life is so fragile and we must LIVE in every moment otherwise we're not living at all. We can't ask WHY because there is no why. We can only trust the process and lovelovelovelovelove.

We may not be able to ask why but we have certainly considered wrapping our sweet Kiki in head to toe bubble wrap! 

A slice of Heaven

Well, it seems posting here has become far and few between........it had been my greatest intention for my life to slow down so I could ease into the coming of our newest little one but alas, life always has plans of its own.

A new adjustment for me has been my change in employment status within the past 2 weeks. I've worked 5-7 days a week for the past year and a half caring for a lovely lady who lived in a retirement home in our neighborhood. Due to her need for more around the clock care it was with great excitement and trepidation that we moved her into the new Camphill Elder Community that has been built in our town. I am no longer her caregiver as those daily assists have been given to the lovely Home Health Aides at the Camphill Community, I am no longer expected to visit with her as often as I had been.........it's deeply saddening but oh so exciting to watch her on her new adventure and to see how she is able to adapt and accept the love and support from her new caregivers. It's a blessing as I now I am able to have the time which was spent going to and fro with her is able to be used in ways that allow me to foster a sense of relaxation, a slower pace, freed up space in my mind, and the ability to "stay" caught up on other things that would normally fall to the way side. As much as I miss her, I am grateful for allowing myself the permission to take back my time and use it in ways that help me to find the slower pace that I feel I've been missing.

Slowly, I am paring down........trying to stay clear of commitments and activities that go against my needs and requests for slowing down or taking time away from my family. I'm deeply in the feeling that our time together as a family of 6 is dwindling with the eventual arrival of our wee angel and that every moment we have to share is so important as our little slice of Heaven will look and feel very different (in only good ways :) ) very soon!

I hope all you Mama's out there had a lovely day full of the most wonderful moments as your families celebrated you and all the love and beauty you bring to their lives xoxo

Sparkle Plenty

These past few weeks have been filled with glorious weather and wonderful moments spent out of doors with each other getting our hands dirty and just feeling the warmth of the early spring embracing our bodies. The littles have been spending so much time outside that they are now just coming and going as they please. I find myself needing to remind them to let me know first before they head out so I can either a.) keep my eye on them from inside or b.) join them!

Posts here on It's a Simple Life have been few, mostly due to the beautiful weather that has been bestowed upon the Northeast of the United States but also because I've bringing the littles over to my parents house to spend some good time with my Mother who has been recently diagnosed with cancer.  She is no stranger to cancer, this will be her 3rd time fighting this uphill battle. 5 weeks ago my Mother had a significant surgery to remove the masses from her ailing body, she is 74 and surgeries are becoming more and more difficult for her to recover from. Being the youngest in our family of 5 (I have two older sisters) I'm usually the last one to be asked to help out but I am now the only stay at home Mother out of us who can be available during the day when my Dad needs to be away. I'm so grateful for this time with her. It's not an easy time, if I could be honest. For the first time I'm really coming to grips with the reality that life is so fragile. My Mother's failing health has brought me to look at what my life would look like if my Mother weren't here. I know this isn't the most uplifting blog post, but, this is what's on my heart and mind today.........life and how each precious moment is a gift and how even though times and moments might be a struggle, they each need to be honored for what it is we learn from them, who they bring us closer to, and how we can flip it to be something better in the end.

My Mother and I haven't always had a great relationship. There are 42 years between us so our view points and the times in which we each grew up were and are so dramatically different from each other, understanding and tolerance were not easily doled out! It's been a long 12 years since I first became a Mother myself, asking my Mother for help even when I didn't want to, allowing her to Mother me and offer advice even if I didn't ask or if I didn't agree. I've learned to extend myself to her, even though she hasn't always been willing to accept what I have to offer. The best I could do was just love her and hope that one day we'd be equals, or at least find a common ground. That common ground, I believe, was this past week. My Mother had no choice but to allow me to come into her home and 'mother' her back. I was able to cook for her, get her medicine, talk with her, laugh with her, suffer with her, dote on her, and just allow the love I have for her to guide my abilities to care for her.......even though it's excruciatingly hard to see that her vitality is gone. Her face is pale, her smile is forced, her pain is great. These are very sad times. It is my goal to get her out and in the warmth of the sun........next week should be much warmer than this week so I will try again.....and again, and again! If only to let her see the world waking up from it's winter slumber and maybe seeing the new life will allow for a resurgence of life within her. Hope!

Thank you, friends, for reading this. I know it's not easy to hear of sadness and difficulty. I find it's extremely important to allow the forces that are real to have a place to flourish and shift and change as they may. If you're wondering about the title of this post, let me explain. When I was younger one of my favorite ways to spend some time was to go through the attics at my parents and look at old pictures, try on my Mother's old clothes and shoes (dating from the 50's - the 70's!), and find things like: my Dad's old saxophone, our old dance recital costumes, baby clothes from each decade beginning in the 70's! It was so much fun and one time I found a caricature of my Mother from when she was an airplane stewardess. She would travel all over the world and this picture was drawn on a boardwalk while she was laid over in California, I believe. She had a big beautiful smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye, much like the photo above. Sparkle Plenty........the artist drawing it came up with the name and I can only imagine it was the twinkle and vivid exuberance she had for life that inspired the name. I love it........

There is hope that she will overcome, that she will be given the strength to push on and continue to be here with us. Right now it's a little muddled, but as long as we continue to love and fight with her, no moment is wasted, no matter how difficult or painful. If we can find the strength within ourselves to just keep showing up and walking through the fire with her........well, that's what you do, right?

Anyway, hope is a wonderful virtue. I'm thankful I have some in my heart to share.......

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."

To Nourish and Replenish

As we embark on the spiritual awakening that might come for those who seek the journey during Lent, regardless of religious orientation, this time of year is overflowing with a newness and anticipation for a budding out. All of these attributes to this time of year I find beautifully symbolic; new lambs, budding trees and flower buds peeking from their cold winter beds, the sun's warming glow turning brown grass in to a brighter green, seeds going into the ground where they will sprout and provide our summer bounty. New, alive, to begin again. Life during Lent is profound in that we are asked to look deep within ourselves and see where we might find a bud peeking out waiting to be found. What new life is sprouting within you? How might you cultivate the newness that lies within you to be a gift to the world around you?

I've been speaking with several around me who are devout in their Lenten celebrations. They always give something up for Lent; chocolate, sweets, meat, alcohol. I always question them about their particular choice as a way to understand how giving up that particular item for 40 days will make a difference in their devotion to their God of choice, themselves, and their greater community. The idea of 'sacrificing' a particular item for Lent shows that they are a devoted follower of Jesus, that by giving up something they are mimicking Jesus' 40 day fast as he prepared his body to receive enlightenment, a closer connection to his Higher Power, the Light, the Creator. I agree that a degree of cleansing is a good idea during these Holy Days, cleaning and nourishing our bodies and spirits to bring forth a replenishment that will bring us closer to remembering who we are and what greater good we are seeking to provide in this life time. How can we clean out the old stuff, the stuff that wears us down and drains our energy? What is that stuff......emotional, physical, relationships, spiritual? Is this stuff that we can work on to let go of and allow the newness within ourselves to unfold, like the flower?

During Lent, we choose for it to be a quiet time in our home. Our seasonal table is bare, holding vigil is a candle, a bowl of earth, and some bare twigs. The empty landscape allows us to see how the preparations begin........through the creation of our Lenten garden, we see Life spring anew. Celebrating Lent with our children is a lovely and reflective time. We hang 'Our Lenten Journey' poster that helps us travel through the 40 days, reflecting on a particular emotion or other word, that will allow us some clarity into our depths. This is a great exercise for our bigger children as they are old enough now to ask questions of themselves and can clearly express how and why it is they feel a certain way. Last year, they found this to be a very nourishing activity and looked forward to putting up our new leaf everyday; focusing on the word of the day and allowing whatever thoughts or emotions that came up to come through so that they could process........and then replenish. It is a beautiful experiment in self care and healing. We found that this process provides a space for the child to feel the work of the Light within them. Seeing and knowing that there once might have been a space within them that was clouded and hurt and now.......there is Love and Light.

The season of Lent is also a wonderful time to reach out beyond our doors; to bring about a healthy balance of give and receive during Lent is like magic. As Jesus sacrificed himself for the world, we can give of ourselves to those around us.  While you are preparing your body with nourishment and cleansing.......reach out and provide a 'random act of kindness' to your neighbor. Visit your local shelter and share your gifts with the animals that are seeking their forever homes. Volunteer your time. Clean out your closets and donate what you no longer need to an agency that will then give your items to someone who could use them. In fact, why stop there........clean out your homes from items that just sit and take up space, whether it be energetic space or physical space, let those items move on to a second life where they will  cherished and needed. Leave love notes to friends and family or randomly scattered around your town. Someone will find them and be touched at the notion that they are being thought of and loved at that moment. Any and all of these activities are wonderful ways to share the Lenten season with your children. They will see that they don't have to give something up to show that they are connected to Spirit.......by giving of themselves they are simply honoring the connection that is always there.

And yet, as we seek the peace and solitude of Lent, what might we do to prepare the foundation for substantial growth? How will we tend to our gardens and allow the sunshine to warm the earth to prepare for the planting of seeds? When I think of ways to go inward I think of quiet walks in the woods. I think about sitting creek side and listening to the water flowing and with journal in hand, feeling the freedom to express whatever might be asking to come out. When I think about tending to my spirit I think of sitting snuggled up with my children, feeling their breath and the deep and constant connection we have to each other and how that relationship binds us to the Universe. When I think of nourishing my spirit I think of holding my partners hand, basking in the memory and the reason for our union and how that connection to each other brings us closer to knowing ourselves more fully and our Creator. Reinforcing our foundations, our spirits, nourishing and preparing our bodies and hearts to receive the gifts that surround us, to open our hearts to receive the Light, and then in turn, give it back to the world around us.......that is what the season of Lent means to me.

As we travel through these quiet days, I hope that you are able to disconnect from the things that might be taking up too much time and space within your spirit.......the things or people that drain your energy and keep you from knowing and giving your best self. My hope is that you find the peace in these 40 days to deeply nourish yourself and your families so that you all feel full and replenished and ready to begin again.

In all things good and in peace.......